Monstrous: The Autobiography of
a Serial Killer But for the Grace of God
Author: Tommy Walker
Publisher:
GreatUNpublished
ISBN: 1-58898-608-X
This review written by
Bryan Nelson
There are a couple of points that must be said up front; the first being a fact
about me, the reviewer. I have an active interest in the study of serial murder
and the role fantasy plays in the development of these individuals and the
serial nature of their crimes. Another important fact is that this book does not
actually represent a serial killer. The reason these two factors are important
in my opinion is the book may not be for everyone. Those not interested in
studying fantasy, the inner workings of the mind or self-exploration, may find
the book disappointing. Others who enjoy reading about the chaos created by a
serial killer's reign of terror, or the investigation of the crimes will
certainly be disappointed.
One additional warning is for those not comfortable with the concepts of
masturbation, paraphilias and pornography. Much of this book is about the quest
for pornography and sometimes highly unusual masturbatory practices. Many times
while reading, I found myself trying to identify how many different possible
paraphilias were being implied throughout the book. Some of these acts are quite
shocking and difficult to read, which will undoubtedly force some to toss the
book. Again, if any of the themes previously mentioned are personally upsetting,
this is not the book for you because many are discussed in some detail.
Although I did find these themes shocking at times, I read the book with a
mindset of learning and there were many times I found it extremely enlightening
to read about the thoughts that were going through this person's mind. Although
Walker is not a serial killer, I also found myself wondering whether his
revealing passages might provide insight into the mind of those who have become
serial killers. Had Walker acted upon his violent fantasies I have no doubt that
he would have become a serial killer, and that is the most frightening aspect of
this book. He walked up to the edge and looked over, while on several occasions
practicing stalking so that he may attempt to make his violent fantasies become
a reality.
I must admit that many times the story and themes were so stereotypical of the
life of known serial killers, that the work took on a feeling of fiction. Any
reader of research done on serial murderers may have this feeling because his
thoughts, behaviors, and characteristics so resemble that of the typical serial
murder research subject. Again, I used this as a learning objective as to the
importance of not relying solely on the self-report of subjects, because this is
Walker's view of the story and his attempt to define himself as a
"could-have-been" serial killer.
With all this said, one might expect that I did not enjoy the book or would not
recommend it. This is far from the truth. Although I have warned of the subjects
that might not be of interest to some, there is much more offered by this book
for those interested in learning from one man's point of view, what it is like
to be lonely and unable to find a human connection. This is Walker's journey to
find himself, which takes him to several locations both mentally and physically
without a known destination. I found myself wondering near the end of the book
whether the story was more about self-destruction or self-actualization. This
cannot be determined as the journey is not yet complete.
I enjoyed the book overall and found it interesting and well written. The author
is highly narcissistic at times, but truth be told, I found some of his
off-the-cuff remarks about himself quite amusing. I also found some of his
thoughts about others to be quite horrifying. The content definitely kept my
attention as I attempted to surmise whether this person would indeed evolve into
a serial killer, even though the title plainly stated that he did not. I ended
up reading the book twice, which is no small accomplishment considering the
nearly 600 pages involved from cover to cover.
Again, I will close with the warning: THIS BOOK IS NOT FOR EVERYONE. For those
who can remain objective, and are interested in the thoughts and behaviors of a
"could-have-been" serial murderer, check this book out. I believe you will learn
something by reading the book. For those who are disgusted by paraphilic
endeavors, walk away and save yourself the time and money.
I want to thank Mr. Walker for his patience while we went through the transition
to the new site.
Anyone wishing to write to Mr. Walker with comments on the book may do so by
e-mail.
E-mail your questions or suggestions to
Bryan Nelson
